Kuch is tarah 4 (my diary)

Jo main sun rahi thi , mera uspe trust karne ko man nai keh raha tha but after all truth is a truth and no one can change it. Mirza ne bataya ki vo mujhe test kar raha tha ki main uske relationship se jealous hoti hu ya nahi , jealous aur main ..jealousy vaha hoti hai jab ap kisi se pyaar karte ho aur maine use dost ke alaawa kabhi kuch samjha hi nai .

maine usse yahi pucha ki main jealous kyu hoti , to usne mujhe kaha ki use lagta hai ki main use like karti hu aur mere dil may uske liye love vali feelings hai , maine use pucha ki tumhe aisa kyu laga aur kaise lag sakta hai , mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai jab humari dosti hue ek saal hue the ,friendship day pe maine usse vaada manga tha ki vo is dosti ko dosti tak rakhe taki hum is line ko jhoota saabit kar sake ki ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nai ho sakte to phir usne aisa soch bhi kaise liya . Lekin kehte hai na pyaar aur jazbaat aag ki tarah hote hai sirf jara si aanch ki jarurat hoti hai , meri life main vo anch dene wali koi aur nai meri sabse achi dost aashi  thi , mirza ne bataya ki aashi ne use kaha ki mere dil may feelings hai lekin may bayan nai karti kyuki main sure nai hu ..

usne socha ki vo apne gf ki baaten karega , apne relatioship se mujhe jealous karega taki main apni feelings use bata du aur propose kar du . Jaise jaise main uski baaten sun rahi thi vaise vaise humari dosti ki saari yaaden mere dil may chubh rahi thi aur maine usse akhiri bar pucha ki koi aur kya sochta hai mujhe isse kabhi fark nai pada , na padega , kisne kya kaha I dont care tum batao mujhe tum mere baare main kya sochte ho aur sach batana tum already bahut jhooth bol chuke ho ab aur mat bolna……I love you…in teen words ko log magical words kehte hai lekin us waqt ye mere life world ke sabse worst words the , aur ye worst words maine mirza se sune vo bhi mere liye , usne kaha ki use ye feeling aksar hoti thi lekin vo mujse keh nai pata tha , lekin jab usne logo se suna ki main uske liye feel karti hu use expectation hone lagi aur mere dil ki baat jaane ke liye usne ye sab kiya , usne kaha ki jab main usse door gai tab uski feeling aur strong hue , aur uski kisi se aisi bonding nai ho pai .

maine aur kuch nai suna aur phone kat diya , us pal mujhe apne aap per gussa aa raha tha , kaash maine use raakhi baandh di hoti , logo ne kaha usne maan liya , mera best friend hoke bhi vo mujhe jaan nai saka pehchan nai saka jis waade ki wajah se humara rishta gehra hua humari dosti strong hue usne wahi waada tod diya aur sath hi toda mera dil . Afsos to is baat ka hai ki use is baat ka koi guilt nai tha ki jo usne kiya galat kiya uska to seedha javab tha mujhe janna tha isliye ye sab kiya aur main , mujhe pe kya beet rahi thi koi soch nai sakta tha , mere do sabse acche dost jinse maine apni life ki har choti se lekar badi baat share ki apna dil khol ke rakh diya tha unhi ne mera dil toda , itne jhooth bole , meri feelings ka majak bana diya ek game bana diya .

Log kehte hai aksar pyaar main dil toot jata hai lekin maine to kabhi pyaar kiya hi nahi mera dil to phir bhi toot gaya , kasoor pyaar ka nai hota kasoor galatfehmi ka hota hai ek jhoot , zindagi bhar ke rishte tod deta hai to phir ye to dosti hai jha jazbaaton ka hi maajak bana diya , aashi aur mirza meri life ke 2 sabse important log the meri family ke bad mere liye koi important tha to sirf ye dono aur us ek pal main wahi 2 log meri life ki sabse badi mistake ban gaye , kya mujhe dard nai hua hoga , mujhe hurt nai hoga , mere self respect to chot nai pahuchi hogi to kis haq se main unhe apna dost kahu jinhone meri feelings ke saath khela , kyu main unhe maaf karu aur kis wajah se unhe apni life ka hissa bana ke rakhu ab , jinse jaan se jada pyar karti thi ab unse nafrat kyu na karu .

Ab aap bataiye maine kya galat kiya , ap meri jagah hote to kya karte pyaar to door mujhe to dosti pe bhi trust nai raha , kabhi bana paungi dost kisi ko ? kabhi ksi ke liye feel kar paungi ?? kya mera decision galat hai .

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